I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
