I'm drive I can fine osifer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize