i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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