i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she peed on how many people?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
