don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
