Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
