yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
