u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
