i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize