So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
