May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
