If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need a burrito and a hug.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
