I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
