So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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