they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
