Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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