Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
