Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
