oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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