Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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