I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
