She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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