I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
