You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
