Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
