If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
