So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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