gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
