Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
