Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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