I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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