By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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