nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
