trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
