Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
