dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They are going to name an STD after you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize