I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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