its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
