Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
