How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
