oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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