none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
