My first STD was from a foam party
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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