So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize