We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
