The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
