I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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