soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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