Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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