Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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