Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
