If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
