I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
