i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
