That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
