Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
