I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
