Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
