dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
