hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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