there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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