You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The air was thick with penises
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
