I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
