OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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