Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
