i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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