I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
