i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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