You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
