Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
