I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize