go do what you do best...puke behind churches
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
